Stress vs Distress.

Son, 

There is saying that ‘stress kills’ however, there is no evidence of this - some of the people who have the most stressful jobs (like the role of President) live to ripe old ages (as long as they don’t oppose the CIA / FBI). 

Stress is the effect of pressure and/or tension.  So when we are not coping with our current load of stress, we are experiencing dis-stress!

We usually know we are distressed when our bodies send us signals - from dry mouth, to tremors/shakes, all the way to panic attacks with heart palpitations.   We are taught that these are negative experiences, however, as long as it is not long-lasting, these reactions are all completely normal and ultimately harmless (albeit uncomfortable at the time).  To the contrary of negative outcomes, this stressing is a STRETCHING of our coping mechanisms that, once stretched, will never return to the original position.  In other words, similar to the pain you experience from lifting weights that tear your muscles so you rebuild bigger and stronger, stretching your character, your moral compass, your capabilities to confront and enforce what is right will deliver ‘uncomfortable’ symptoms physically and emotionally, only for you to evolve STRONGER, and MORE RESILIENT. 

Some of the strategies you can use to cope better with the experience of distress are:  

1). The first step in getting from ‘A’ to ‘B’ is to know where ‘A’ is, and so it is with being distressed.  Admitting to yourself that your coping mechanisms for your current situation is highly helpful and often immediately releases a big ‘load off your back’.  Repeating with conviction  ‘I am distressed, I am distressed, I am distressed’ is a helpful strategy.

2). If you feel you have an elevated heart rate, then immediately employ the strategy of deep breathing.  Deep breathing ensures higher oxygen rates to the brain, and also, if you breath out for more ‘counts’ than you breath in, you can also lower the carbon dioxide in your blood.  Deep breaths are slower in frequency which will also aid in reducing the heartbeat rate. 

3) Check if you are experiencing an ‘unfulfilled expectation or thwarted intention, or both’.  Expectations and Intentions are expressions of the FUTURE  - they are an imagination at the time of invention. Sometimes, events occur that thwart our intention coming true, or people around us do not understand our expectations of their actions in the future and if we are demanding or requiring that our imagination must manifest, and no other outcome is ‘allowed’, then we will experience a self-induced pressure and tension.  In this case, we must look at our past communications and review the ‘assumptions’ that were used to form the decisions and Agreements and identify what we did not take into account at that time, and how to use it to move forward now, with harmony. 

4) Major Events that are horribly sad for your life may also happen.  Whether it is accidents, illnesses, deaths, financial difficulty or divorce, these times create a distress that is only diluted with time.  Back off on your ambition - care for yourself and those that love you.  Monitor your character and develop a strategy to not ‘take out your anger or frustration’ on your loved ones, as natural and common as that may feel!  It’s unfair.

Dad.