Love is Good

Son, 

Every person’s journey with ‘LOVE’ is different … and it is impossible to know what each of us are experiencing, even when we are in love.  

Remember the first rule of all relationships is ‘everyone is scared of everyone’, meaning we are all innately aware that everyone else can hurt us, and the closer, the more vulnerable, the more honest we are with someone, the more they can hurt us by using our vulnerability, or our disclosures against us.   

One day, you will say “Oh, they would never do that!” and I will (may) reply “YEAH, RIGHT!!!” 

If opposites attract, be sure that ‘givers’ attract ‘takers’.  A person who will DO absolutely everything for another person is quite likely to attract a person that will TAKE absolutely everything from that giving person.  One is giving (initially) from the feeling of love, then from a sense of ‘values and principles’ only to end up feeling resentment - that’s right - the nicest people in the world often end up hardened and resentful souls because they did not discern early in the relationship that ‘THIS LOVE IS NOT GOOD FOR ME’.  

If opposites attract, be sure that ‘optimists’ attract ‘pessimists’.  A person who wants to talk an amazing life into existence by only speaking words that grow good things (whether or not they ultimately manifest as spoken is not critical), is likely to attract a person who will explain how NONE of these ideas are real, how none of these ‘dreams’ can come true, and how hopeless you are for believing in the impossible. 

If opposites attract, be sure that ‘exciting people’ attract ‘boring people’.  I don’t know why or how exciting people get hooked into a relationship with a person who will never travel in the exciting lane of life, and ultimately will forbid the exciting person from being exciting.  This is the most obvious case study to talk about ‘what happens next’;  

The ‘positively oriented person’ in the relationship will try to encourage the negative person in the relationship to ‘join them in the uncharted journey of life’ and the ‘negatively oriented  person’ will slowly, but surely prohibit the adventures.  Each is trying to make the other ‘just like them’  - the positive with positive intentions, and the negative with negative intentions (for example, knowing they were massively attracted to the adventure seeking nature of this partner, to destroy this character would mean that other people would not be attracted to ‘my positive person’.  Likewise the fattening of partners in marriage to make them less attractive (let’s say all this happens unconsciously - but for sure, it happens).  

So … What love should you seek ? 

Seek the love that lasts longer and deeper than infatuation.  If infatuation ends, and there is no residual honor, respect, trust and enthusiasm (on top of sensual attraction), then this love is not good for you. 

On the other, if the infatuation ends, and you have a person that is trying to make you a ‘better you’ that you want to be, and allows you to encourage them to be a ‘better them that they want to be’, then you have a fantastic foundation for love.  Assuming you are in the category of ‘positive people’, you are seeking a ‘positive person’ and it may feel really uncomfortable.  A giver is so used to takers, that they often lose the ability to receive.  This may create a ‘repel’ feeling (imagine two positive sides of high powered magnets coming together).  Two givers may take time to trust the other is not going to use them and ultimately hurt them.  Two optimists may not trust the intention of the other’s optimistic encouragement, and so on.  

You really cannot pick people’s character quickly - only you can think seriously that every relationship has a ‘probation period’ like we have when we employ people into our company team. After 90 days, we make a decision as to how well each new person fits the ‘culture’ and ‘character’ of the team.  The same ‘callous’ approach can be applied to romance - it can - it’s brutal, but it will help you get out of love that is not good for you faster, giving you more time to find love that is good for you sooner.

The ultimate test, you know, is when you like yourself best, when you are with them, the foundation is good.  Now you have to build together with the least amount of aberrations, giving you the best chance at a long, fruitful, positive, and adventurous life.

Dad.