Knowledge is Power

Son, 

This topic is a two-edged sword.

The truth is our liberty, and yet, once shared,  it is also our vulnerability.  

Living in China for such a long time, you see logical elements in deceit.  Take for example, in our culture, we would say ‘The Truth Hurts’ with a ‘suck it up buttercup’ tone because we really apply this to ourselves.  The Chinese apply this same principle to the other person, and the thinks ‘Why would I hurt someone with the truth?  Why not hide the truth and tell something plausible that will leave the other person feeling happy?’.  

When we have secrets, we are encouraged to share them so they do not ‘bind us’ in a web of darkness.  We try to confess our aberrations, lest we aberate on our aberrations to cover them from being discovered and end up a permanent confabulator.  The Chinese would say ‘If you confess the truth of your aberration, the other person can use this against you’ and so they will deny and push the blame to something or someone for almost everything that goes wrong.  This is taught from before the children can talk - remember little 2 year old Ollie walked into a coffee table and it hurt.  I said “Be careful next time, to avoid the coffee table!” At the same time, his Chinese Aunties were all banging the coffee table and saying “Bad coffee table, for hurting Ollie!”.  

So … you can see there are applications for untrue words, and true words.  Personally, I prefer true words. I do believe that we have a very accurate memory for our entire lifespan.  Everything that has REALLY happened, we can remember our perspective (other’s may remember differently)  - but can we remember every lie?  No way … 

Spotting a liar is also interesting - they are almost always a control freak.  They need to control who knows the truth, and keep them apart from who has been told Story A … and there may be yet others who have been told another Story B !  If they feel they are being exposed they work with intimidation and confusion to make you doubt your own memory - they are the one who knows and controls ‘who knows what’.  To know both the TRUTH and the LIE is the most powerful knowledge against this person. 

Spotting a manipulator is also based on knowledge.  These people will often ask you questions about your live feigning a genuine interest.  What you want to discern is ‘are they interested in the journey and the outcome’, or ‘are they interested in detail - asking intensifying questions that get you to reveal more sensitive and potentially vulnerable details of your life’?.  After you have been drained of your secrets, you are left feeling empty, and you realize the person has your secrets, but you have none of theirs.  This knowledge they glean is power to them because some time in the future, they will want to persuade you of something and they will use your secret story embedded in why you should or should not do something they want from you.  

My conclusion to this short foray into a very complex topic is to encourage you to know your truth. Guard your heart. Allow anyone to ask you any question - that does not give them the right to your answer.  Have morals, principles, and values that help you know what to say and do in most situations.  When in doubt, consider to say nothing, rather than lying, however, there are times also that the other person demands an answer but has no right to the truth.

Dad.